Dealing with Difficult People


The one thing that is harder than rocket science is dealing with people. Anyone will tell you that it is one of the most complex things to ever have to deal with. What makes it so difficult is the fact that there are other people who invade the way that they act/react for the matter. I’ve known some people to become so consumed by what someone else thinks that it actually takes over the majority of their thought process. Every other word to someone else is “that person this, or that person that”.  I believe that some people genuinely have power struggles over the way that they interact with others. Maybe it may be control or it could be that their patience is just low and haven’t trained their minds to be bearable with certain types of people.

I always thought it was fascinating of how naïve some people are to realizing how they “come off” or can be perceived as “off putting”. I remember some jobs I used to work and there was a particular person working there that could not seem to be happy unless they were in some particular argument or accusing someone all of the time. The person will go around the world telling about my flaw on a project, instead of coming to me. Most people will react and let the person know their piece of mind so to speak. Me, I have a pretty noticeable physical presence and most people know what the outcome would be if things got physical. Or, what I would like to call “intense fellowship”. But, that is not to say that there aren’t those who will challenge me just for that very fact.

Here’s my approach. I like to ask questions. I ask if they’re married, have kids, been divorced, ever married, happily married, parents alive, what was high school like, etc. It takes a particular skill to get to that level of speaking with people, but I’ve got it down pretty good after years of practice. So when someone pops off a certain way, I can already identify where they are coming from. Then, I can speak their language, and then engage in some sort of conversation. Does, this mean we BFF’s? Of course not! That’s what my wife is for. But, it does give me a preface of not attacking the person, but the Spirit that lies behind that person. I know some people that have had some amazing relationships just to have them abruptly end because they “couldn’t do it”. Now that’s not the real reason, but in their world it is. It’s the unfamiliarity and not being exposed to positivity that is rare and uncomfortable. Not only that, it is some scary crap to some people. If you have ever met someone who is married and their parents were never married, it’s safe to say that there will be some real struggle at some point and time.

The key is simply understanding. It’s like a hard math problem. You really don’t want to deal with it if you don’t have to. But, unfortunately with some people we have no choice. There may be ex’s in our lives that we have to forcefully interact with on a daily basis and there are those that we work with. But, understanding their Spirit makes it so much more manageable to deal with in the long run. Comments won’t affect you as much and actions, you can just let them act out by themselves. The key is to control what you can control and not make yourself any more of a fool than what they are. The truth is, they really don’t know that they are acting a fool. Sad, but very true. Not always their fault, but misguided. In some cases more misguided than we have time to pick the pieces up for so late in their lives. So show some sort of grace and restraint and in the meantime. Keep becoming the best version of you. as the Bible says, “you can’t argue with fools or you will be a fool too.”

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